Saturday, 16 June 2012

A sad but necessary step

I just don't know what to do with myself. I am in so much pain at the moment that I am struggling to do anything. Just getting up in the mornings and cleaning my teeth, shaving and showering etc makes my foot hurt a lot. I should rephrase that really as on days when I have not been at work I am normally ok first thing as I have not had the previous build up of pain.

Work has become almost unbearable as I am not able to control or cope with the pain that is created when I have to stand and walk so much. Things that are essential for my work such as going to a machine that I  need to use multiple times a day are now almost reducing me to tears and something has got to give.

Well yesterday something did give and I had to bite the bullet. I had a chat with the boss and gave in my notice at work (for lack of a better way of putting it) and I will only have to cope with 2 more weeks of pain before I can concentrate on finding a desk job with which to replace it.This was one of the hardest choices I have ever had to make, I have put a lot of time and effort into the current course that I am on and effectively I will be leaving with nothing to show for it, well lots of new skills, experience and a wife of course. 

It was hard not only because it is going to be hard on us as this means some financial strain but this is going to be far outweighed by emotional and physical pain that not only am I suffering from but also my wife (at least in terms of emotional pain) from seeing me hobble across to the bus stop in the mornings. But of course we are not the only ones that are going to suffer from this. The lab I am working in is going to have a shift, the project I am working on is going to have to have someone take it over so I am going to have to try and make this as smooth as possible for them all by writing up and presenting everything that I have in a manner that makes things as easy as possible for someone else to follow. 

I hate having to do this but that is the issue that I have to do this because there is nothing that can be done about the pain, even when I get another job, getting there and going to the toilets etc is still going to give me pain but I am not going to be expected to be on my feet and to walk as much as I am now. Despite what some people think my current jobs does require a lot of walking and a lot of standing and this is something that my foot cannot cope with. 

This is something that I have not taken lightly, I have toiled over this choice for some time, I have run it by friends and family and the most comforting thing that was every single one of them thought that this was the right choice now, not one of them thought it was the wrong thing or that I was crazy and I trust each of them to put me in my place if I am being stupid about something. 

What am I hoping for from this? Well if I end up being at home for a little bit my foot get some much needed proper rest and I can stop worrying about the fact that I feel I am not working hard enough and that instead of being able to leave in hopefully some sort of positive manner like I hopefully am, I feel that if I let this continue I would be letting things get into a place where I am putting myself in a bad light by not leaving earlier. Hopefully I can get that job that requires not standing or walking and ultimately I am going to be happy. 

So that is my post for today, not a great thing, it is an awful thing but hopefully it will be a break through.